There’s something we’ve forgotten to tell you over the past 15 months: Journalists are as vile a group of low-lifes as any on the planet. Don’t believe us? We’ll prove it to you, using the words of our prominent public figures.

I mean, really, they’re just a bunch of “pedophiles.” After all, they reported on the partying of Jesse Ventura’s 22-year-old son at the state-owned governor’s residence. You know what else? They’re “seedy,” what with their reporting on Tom DeLay’s ethical practices and his call for a federal investigation of judges who disagree with Tom DeLay. Oh yeah, and they’re also “werewolves,” who must feed at every full moon, as Jonah Goldberg tells us. Really, they should just be dead — or, as Time cover girl Ann Coulter so artfully put it, “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”

It’s enough to make another despised group, lawyers, take heart. After all, America might not like them, but at least they haven’t been labeled seedy pedophilic werewolves who deserve violent deaths at the hands of a deranged lunatic.

This brave new world of incisive “media criticism” is a long way, it seems, from the time when “nattering nabobs of negativity” was considered a harsh shot at the fourth estate.

So, thank you, vitriolic bloggers, opportunistic politicians, and money-hungry commentators (not to mention, of course, Brent Bozell) for helping create an environment in which people can finally learn the truth about the scum who have the gall to bring them information.

Brian Montopoli

Brian Montopoli is a writer at CJR Daily.