For those tired of creepy white-haired Australians, heat-seeking missiles, and Pakistan’s sly-S-I, The Hill today provides a deliciously People-esque distraction: its annual Fifty Most Beautiful People roundup. Do yourself a favor and head here.

A bit of perspective as you do. These are not the world’s most beautiful, nor even America’s. These are the most beautiful people on Capitol Hill. It’s kind of like making the Moroccan Winter Olympics team. Own a toothbrush and an ironing board? You’re practically guaranteed a spot.

Nonetheless, there seems to be some disarmingly perky and well-groomed people milling around the Capitol. Not the least of whom is The Hill’s numero uno most beautiful, the 1,000 ships-launching Alexis Latifi, described in her subhead as “a rare gem.” We learn in grammatically awkward fashion that the wholesome twenty-four-year-old Republican is “a raw foodist, bikram yoga, jewelry maker.”

Interestingly, while Republicans nabbed the one and two spots—the glammest Dem, coming in at number three, is “supermom” Kirsten Gillibrand—the real story here is that Democrats are apparently hotter than their conservative colleagues. Okay, “story” might be stretching it. Reading through the fifty profiles on The Hill’s Capital Living Web page, we counted seventeen Republicans, twenty-eight Democrats, four Independents, and one “moderately Liberal” glamorzon.

The most conspicuous omission is, of course, heartthrob congressman Aaron Schock, he of D.C.’s fabbest washboard abs. But perhaps they didn’t bother with Schock after two other lawmakers on the list, Scott Brown and California congressman Duncan D. Hunter, declined to be interviewed. Can’t imagine why.

It might have been difficult to find hotties on the Capitol, and get some of them to talk, but it certainly wasn’t too hard to find gold to highlight in The Hill’s list.

Some of the choicest material came in the short descriptions given after each beautiful person’s name. We liked “rare gem,” as noted above, and “easy, breezy, beautiful” (Covergirl?) for number ten, Anu Vakkalanka. But we loved the following:

Kaitlyn Gibson: The anti-Suzanne Somers

Hillary Caron: Cheese Nips lover
What could top that?
Stephanie Sonksen: Freckled

The pieces that follow these heads are equally fantastic, part resume and part Match.com profile (not that I’ve, err, ever written one of those). Our highlights reel begins with “Jon Ward: Bespectacled”:

Though a lot of things about Jon Ward – mainly his title as senior White House correspondent for The Daily Caller – scream professional, his green-tinted tortoiseshell glasses showcase his fun, young side.

Then there’s the very jock-y, should-probably-have-a-shop-named-after-him-that-sells-white-people’s-clothes, Hudson Hollister:

Amiable. Hyperactive. A good listener. That’s how Hudson Hollister defines himself. But that’s not the entire picture. Add gentleman, funny, good conversationalist, and beautiful to that list, and you get a better snapshot of who he is.

It’s hard to believe Hollister was once the “socially awkward” home-school student he claims he was. Growing up as the oldest of five in the Chicago area, he took a “random, circuitous route” to Congress.

…Coffee, cigars and Cheez-Its are three things he says he can’t live without.

“But its problematic when you try to have all three at once,” he jokes.

Mom and Dad’s genes, good grooming, CrossFit workouts, and “lots” of moisturizing are his health and beauty secrets.

We’d definitely want to date lobbyist Christina Sequenzia if we read this on eHarmony:

When Sequenzia’s not jogging in Old Town, Alexandria, with the 11-year-old dog that she rescued from a shelter, she’s likely at an animal rights event or tackling some form of charity work. “I actually do believe that people can still make a difference,” says Sequenzia, who recently organized a team for a Race for the Cure breast cancer awareness event. She also raised money for Fashion for Paws, which benefits the Washington Humane Society.

Joel Meares is a former CJR assistant editor.