Granted: former governor Rod Blagojevich’s guest-hosting, today, of “The Don Wade & Roma Morning Show” is weird and baffling and darkly funny and even more darkly disturbing. But the best way we’ve found to deal with such weird/baffling/funny/disturbing developments in the intersection between politics and the media is…to make a game of them.

Thus, below, the Official “Blago in the Morning” Coffee* Drinking Game. Because you might as well use the shamed politician’s newfound media legitimacy as an excuse to get…caffeinated.

Take a shot of coffee* every time Blago says:
“my hair”
“the people of Illinois”
“impeachment”
“poetry”
“victim”
“my family”
“Barack Obama”
“Roland Burris”
“Chicago Tribune”
“that depends on what the definition of is is”
Take two swigs of coffee* every time Blago:
refers to himself in the third person
makes any reference to Richard Nixon
makes any reference to “you out there in radioland!”
spins anything from REO Speedwagon
uses the word “tresses,” in any context
quotes—again—Rudyard Kipling’s “If”
Drink an entire cup of coffee* every time Blago:
laughs awkwardly
crank-calls his own listeners, Morning Zoo-style
spins anything from REO Speedwagon, *and* describes the selection as a “rockin’ number!”
quotes Lewis Carroll’s “The Jabberwocky”
Pour the coffee* on your own lap every time Blago:
brushes his hair while on the air, describing the process, step-by-step, for listeners
crank-calls his own listeners, Morning Zoo-style…and then caps off the segment with a “you’ve been Blago’ed!”
quotes “There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket”
weeps
And there it is. Happy listening. And happy coffee* drinking.

*Or, you know, whatever you prefer to drink in the morning…

Megan Garber is an assistant editor at the Nieman Journalism Lab at Harvard University. She was formerly a CJR staff writer.