Give Me Your Tired, Your Hungry, Your Gays

Lohan on Palin, at last.

Early Sunday morning, anger roused Lindsay Lohan from a warm slumber in her girlfriend’s arms. No longer would she sit on the political sidelines and let Matt Damon do all the talking. It was time to call a spade a spade and Sarah Palin a homophobe.

Reacting to a story in the AP reporting that Palin’s church was promoting a gay-conversion conference, Lohan lashed out. “I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin,” she wrote on her MySpace page. “I couldn’t be more supportive of a woman in office, but let’s face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.”

Apparently, Lohan has thought long and hard about everything that’s at stake in this momentous election:

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be… Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she’s FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land…. Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe? … I feel it’s necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies… And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Though I am glad that Lohan has finally put her leaden thumb on the scales, one wonders what is behind her sudden eloquence. (There was, to be sure, an infelicity of the logics: “Is it a sin to be gay?” Lohan asked. “Should it be a sin to be straight?” Good question.) But seriously. Since when does Lindsay Lohan peruse the AP newswire? Remember her tribute to the great Robert Altman, with whom she worked on Prairie Home Companion? Let’s compare handwriting samples, shall we?

I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career. He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I’ve had in several years… He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do…Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves’ (12st book) - everytime there’s a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. - altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.

And the sign-off that would live on in infamy: “Be adequite. Lindsay Lohan.”

Something ain’t right. Maybe Lohan, who plans to marry her girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson, just wanted to take a stand against Palin’s perceived homophobia and pro-life views. Or Maybe Lohan is really, really against offshore drilling.

More likely, however, is the woman-behind-the-throne explanation. Ronson, a Brit, can’t vote in this election but she, like all those teeming (gay, gay, gay!) immigrants, has a stake in this election, and she made sure to weigh in on Lohan’s MySpace Manifesto: “I love this country- however i wasn’t born here and don’t have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november…. and if you’re in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won’t get renewed!!!”

Someone call Lou Dobbs.

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Julia Ioffe is a freelance writer based in New York City.