Today, the New York Times’ Maureen Dowd fancies herself a fly on the wall, drafting “The Last Debate” between Sen. Obama (“Twiggy,” “Skeletor,” “Bones,” “Senor Appeaser”) and Sen. Clinton (“Sweetie,” “Sister”). The dialogue between Dowd’s caricature-characters reads, shocker, like MoDo herself talking — to herself. A one-woman performance! (The role of Senator Obama will be played by Maureen Dowd. The role of Senator Clinton will be played by Maureen Dowd. The role of the New York Times columnist will be played by… Maureen Dowd.)

And Dowd clearly challenged herself to jam as many of the primary’s most important moments into her fantasy colloquy. She references:

HairGate (Dowd’s Clinton calls John Edwards “Secretary of Hairdressing)

TurbanGate (“You can bet your white turban,” says Dowd’s Clinton to Dowd’s Obama)

FatalAttractionGate (“You should stop stalking me,” Dowd’s Obama tells Dowd’s Clinton)

ArugulaGate (“Bill and I don’t need your Netroots arugula moolah,” Dowd’s Clinton huffs to Dowd’s Obama)

Sarcasm. Name-calling. Lowlights from the campaign. All in the tone of an attention-starved person shouting: “I’M CLEVER! SEE? SEE HOW CLEVER I AM? CLEVER! ME! SEE?”