It’s an anxious time for journalists, to be sure: layoffs and cost-cutting abound, with many media outlets fighting for their very survival. It is to indulge only slightly in melodrama to claim that the crisis in journalism has become, as much as anything else, existential.

But today: we are saved! Today is the day when we get into a new groove, and strike a new pose, and rid ourselves of the cares of the material world. Because, today—this holiday to celebrate! this day to cherish!—Madonna has become a journalist.