Here’s how the the Kansas City Star’s Crime Scene KC blog headlined a post about a man heading to prison for 8 years after stealing a bag of shredded cheese:

Man gets hard time for soft cheese

Nicely done, and clever enough that we can agree to overlook the complicating fact that soft cheeses don’t really shred well.

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Clint Hendler is the managing editor of Mother Jones, and a former deputy editor of CJR.