Here’s how the the Kansas City Star’s Crime Scene KC blog headlined a post about a man heading to prison for 8 years after stealing a bag of shredded cheese:

Man gets hard time for soft cheese

Nicely done, and clever enough that we can agree to overlook the complicating fact that soft cheeses don’t really shred well.

Clint Hendler is the managing editor of Mother Jones, and a former deputy editor of CJR.