The Weekly Standard’s Matt Labash, who confesses that “early adoption isn’t my thing,” explains for the magazine’s cover story why “I hate Facebook” and summons all his descriptive powers to show that the social networking site is actually “mind-numbingly dull.” Seems Facebook briefly consumed Labash’s wife such that Labash noticed “a new slackness to her” (though, fortunately, “the cosmetic stuff, like [his wife’s] immaculate appearance and hygiene, stayed the same.”) While watching his spouse become a Facebook Person was difficult for Labash, he acknowledges “there are worse things she could become, I suppose: a Meth dealer, a UPS delivery-man groupie, a Twitterer…”

The Wall Street Journal’s Julia Angwin has become a Twitterer and describes today “How to Twitter” (key: “it’s not about not about chatting with your friends — it’s about promoting yourself.”)

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Liz Cox Barrett is a writer at CJR.