The American Public: "A Group Worth Congress’s Time?"

From The Onion (or, is it?):

Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

Weldon is reportedly charging the American people $795 an hour.

“Unlike R.J. Reynolds, Pfizer, or Bank of America, the U.S. populace lacks the access to public officials required to further its legislative goals,” a statement from the nation read in part. “Jack Weldon gives us that access.”

…

Sources confirmed that Weldon is already scheduled to have drinks Monday with several members of the Senate Appropriations Committee to discuss saving the middle class.

And, from the photo caption: “Weldon says he hopes to spin the American public… as a group worth Congress’ time.”

Ha. (h/t, Election Law Blog)

Liz Cox Barrett is a writer at CJR.