Displaying another thrilling product from the Department Of Is This Really Journalism?, The New York Times reports that Band-Aids are now, officially, in:

Since the adhesive strip has been upgraded by designers like Mr. Herchcovitch or studded with Swarovski crystals, some adults have begun to view it as they would a bracelet or spray tan, as adornment.

Apparently people who aren’t Nelly are now wearing Band-Aids just for fun. The reader is informed, in one of the single most nauseating ledes ever, that when “Nicholas James Brown prepares to go out for cocktails at the Tribeca Grand or to a clambake in the Hamptons, he sticks on a few.”

Now, it’s not that this article is silly. I mean, it’s about a fashion trend, and when in Rome…. The problem is that this particular trend is obviously not real. While it’s entirely possible that Nicholas Brown does occasionally accessorize with fancy Band-Aids, that’s more like a personal idiosyncrasy. This illustrates the unfortunate thing about writing about trends, particularly in fashion. What’s the difference between “I saw a guy wearing…” and an actual trend? The article seems to imply that wearing Band-Aids without a wound is a new trend among New York’s young glitterati. It just isn’t.

And in a hilarious example of someone not actually interpreting a trend but, rather, attempting to create one, the article quotes Chris Bick, who sells lip-shaped bandages in his store, explaining that “even if you don’t have a cut, bandages are a great way to make a statement that doesn’t break the bank.” Hmm, the problem, and the reason this is not a trend likely to ever actually catch on, is that the only statement you could ever be making is “I have a cut.”

Daniel Luzer is web editor of the Washington Monthly.