The Daily’s editor in chief wants his newsroom to start producing some news, please. In a memo leaked to New York’s Daily Intel, Jesse Angelo implored his staff to go beyond “scraping the web and wires” and do some on-the-ground original reporting. “Folks, Egypt is over—time for us to get started covering America,” he wrote. Some inspiring ideas for his intrepid reporters:

Find me an amazing human story at a trial the rest of the media is missing. Find me a school district where the battle over reform is being fought and tell the human tales. Find a town that is going to be unincorporated because it’s broke. Find me a story of corruption and malfeasance in a state capitol that no one has found. Find me something new, different, exclusive and awesome. Find me the oldest dog in America, or the richest man in South Dakota.

Oh boy. As several folks on Twitter have already pointed out, the “oldest dog” story has been done before, again and again, and if 21-year-old dachshund “Chanel” is still kicking it in Long Island, she shouldn’t be that hard to find. In fact, she’s just under an hour away by train from The Daily’s Manhattan headquarters!*

As for the untold human stories in trials, school districts and state capitals, well, The Daily staff might have to peel themselves away from the web for those scoops, which is—let’s face it—pretty much always a good idea anyway.

*Update: A commenter, below, has pointed out that Chanel died in 2009. Our condolences and apologies. The search begins anew?

Lauren Kirchner is a freelance writer covering digital security for CJR. Find her on Twitter at @lkirchner