Resources
False Titles
Stringing It Out
"...Marlins Latin American scouting director Al Avila ..."
"...Democratic delegates to the convention Jim and Ann Roosevelt."
"...anti-affirmative action activist Ward Connerly's decision ... "
False titles like those are an abdication of our duty to write English sentences. They're inelegant and unnatural. But they're also easy — don't think, just string all the adjectives and nouns in front of the name (or a common noun) and move on.
But do let's think, and honor the language, and be clear, and let the reader catch a breath in the little pauses that commas contribute. "Al Avila, the Marlins' scouting director for Latin America" is natural. ("Latin American" presumably described his scouting assignment, not his geographic origin, though in fact the false title means we have to guess.) Also natural: "Jim and Ann Roosevelt, Democratic..." and "the decision by Ward Connerly, the anti-affirmative action activist, ..." Other arrangements would work in all three cases, and we might want "...Connerly, an..." (not "the") for someone truly obscure.
A less obvious and perhaps less egregious abuse: "Democratic New York Sen. Patrick Moynihan later joined in the fray." Well, the only real title there is "Senator." So "Senator Patrick Moynihan, a New York Democrat," is a solution. English.
Sometimes a side benefit of avoiding the easy road is greater precision. Al Avila may have been "Latin American," but that wasn't the point. And if a company has more than one senior vice president (we should know), then "XYZ Co. senior vice president Joe Blow" is incomplete and misleading. "Joe Blow, a senior vice president of XYZ Co." is more accurate, and easier on the ear.
Where to draw the line? The closer to standard English — as opposed to journalese — the better. And the longer the mulligan stew of modifiers, the further we get from standard. (CJR, Jan./Feb. 2000)
Addendum, Aug. 28, 2001
A real pip, from an otherwise literate journal that apparently does this kind of thing as a matter of style:
"...says University of Southern California law professor and frequent Fox contributor Susan..."
Why, for heaven's sake?
CJR
