Good, because following McCain closely through the wormhole was Democratic vice presidential nominee Joe Biden. Biden was asked the same questions everywhere—another weird wrinkle in the laws of physics, I reckon—and yet he somehow managed to mount a vigorous defense in two places almost at once! He explained away Obama’s performance in the polls, went after a spate of McCain attack ads, and defended Obama’s tax hike on the wealthy, all while reassuring the squeezed middle class and the American worker who, Biden said, “has been left out in the cold.” He also proffered his own set of accusatory mixed metaphors.

On the Today Show:

On [McCain’s] watch, we went up on the shoals here. The idea here is, are you going to hire a doctor to operate on you who’s just been convicted of malpractice? Are you gonna do that?

And another good whack at the quack on CNN’s American Morning:

It’s been the Republicans, the Republican philosophy that John has adhered to that’s driven us in the hole and when you have a doctor that’s committed malpractice you don’t hire him for the second operation.

So if we’ve learned anything in these first days of this Economic Crisis, it’s that doctors convicted of malpractice are not to be trusted, nor are good old boys inside the Beltway casino. Trust in the American worker who, though left out in the cold, is still fundamentally inventive and strong. Trust also in the power of the morning show wormhole, which lobs energy packets of predictable softball questions at already well-rehearsed politicians. Then again, nobody has ever mistaken morning show interviews for rocket science.

Julia Ioffe is a freelance writer based in New York City.