How prescient? In 2009, Stephen Colbert pondered whether Sbarro deserved a bailout. The fake news host concluded no, because “the Parmesan cheese gets stuck in the shaker and won’t come out as fast as I like.” Instead, as a helpful cost cutting strategy, Colbert suggested a “Crust Lovers Pizza” to save on those pesky costs like cheese, sauce and toppings. We’ll see if Sbarro’s restructuring advisers at Kirkland & Ellis take this idea to heart.

Seriously. Never, ever eat at a Sbarro in New York. Just don’t.

Ryan Chittum is a former Wall Street Journal reporter, and deputy editor of The Audit, CJR's business section. If you see notable business journalism, give him a heads-up at rc2538@columbia.edu.