Another day, another “let’s put evening network newscasts out of their misery” piece that begins with a crack about their lifeblood: the old-person ads. “To judge by the ads,” writes Slate’s Troy Patterson, “the most loyal adherents to CBS’ quasi-journalistic programming are impotent and incontinent.”

Specifically, Patterson watched CBS Evening News last Friday, as well as one The Early Show, a 60 Minutes, and a CBS Sunday Morning, and argues that the whole lot of it “should be put down in the Old Yellar sense of the phrase” (putting them down in the TV critic sense of the phrase.)

Oh, but Patterson offers 60 Minutes a possible lifeline: a reincarnation of sorts “under the auspices of CBS’ entertainment division (because why keep pretending?).”

Liz Cox Barrett is a writer at CJR.