Off-year election day—otherwise known as The Day in Which the American Public, Led by Its Media, Engages in Political Hyperbole of Several Varieties—is upon us!

In celebration of a holiday as nationally meaningful as Arbor Day and as revealing as Mardi Gras, The Awl has a helpful guide to tonight’s festivities: “What To Watch For In Tonight’s Election Coverage.”

For example:

Are representatives from each party allowed to trumpet their respective spins on the results in such an over-the-top way that it is clear were the results reversed, the spins would be similarly reversed? If there is a mixed result, are party representatives allowed to overstate the significance of the results most favorable to their party and ignore those results which are less favorable?

Also, “do DNC Chairman Tim Kaine’s eyebrows appear as if they’re trying to escape his forehead and make a daring journey to a brave new land where they can live free?”

We can hardly wait to find out. Happy election day!