The Bachelor: GOP Edition

Who will receive McCain’s red rose?

Some as-yet-unspecified day in the future, an as-yet-unspecified nominee will have to pick a partner. Gather ye rosebuds, political pundits: the Veepstakes, the Dramatic Conclusion of the primary season, will soon be upon us.

So much to be decided! The nominees, for one thing. But, hey, it’s Valentine’s Day, after all, and the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know, or something like that. Let’s give Love the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume—forgetting, yet again, what they say about assuming—that the GOP’s Bachelor will be John McCain. Let’s further assume that we know the “dimensions of compatibility” that McCain will employ when selecting a soul—er, running—mate. Let’s even further assume that we in the media are qualified to make him a match, find him a find, catch him a catch.

Assuming all that: below is the field of front-runners among the Bachelors and Bachelorettes the press has already Veep-vetted on McCain’s behalf. (You don’t even have to go to or any such site to see their profiles; the press has already thoughtfully provided them in its stories.) Who will win the Rose and the Ring of the GOP ticket? Who knows? But predict for yourself at home…like most things that waste time, it’s a lot of fun. Happy Valentine’s Day!

- Former Senator George Allen (Virginia)
- Mayor Mike Bloomberg (New York City)
- Senator Richard Burr (North Carolina)
- Former Governor Jeb Bush (Florida)
- Senator Tom Coburn (Oklahoma)
- Governor Charlie Crist (Florida)
- Senator Jim DeMint (South Carolina)
- Steve Forbes
- Former Senator Phil Gramm (Texas)
- Governor Mike Huckabee (Arkansas)
- Governor John Huntsman (Utah)
- Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (Texas)
- Governor Bobby Jindal (Louisiana)
- Representative John Kasich (Ohio)
- Senator Joe Lieberman (Connecticut)
- Senator Mel Martinez (Florida)
- Governor Tim Pawlenty (Minnesota)
- Representative Mike Pence (Indiana)
- Governor Sonny Perdue (Georgia)
- Former Representative Rob Portman (Ohio)
- General Colin Powell
- Condoleezza Rice
- Former Governor Tom Ridge (Pennsylvania)
- Former Governor Mitt Romney (Massachusetts)
- Governor Mark Sanford (South Carolina)
- Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele (Maryland)
- Senator John Thune (South Dakota)
- Representative J.C. Watts (Oklahoma)

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Megan Garber is an assistant editor at the Nieman Journalism Lab at Harvard University. She was formerly a CJR staff writer.