The vast majority of Glenn Beck’s journalistic oeuvre can be classified under the heading of “Glenn Beck Exploits _____.” And the entirety of the Beckian Body of journalism can be classified under: “Glenn Beck Exploits Glenn Beck.”

Well. Below, watch as the punditainment mogul—in what is not (repeat: not) a parody—exploits: himself, his children, children generally, woolen outerwear, Redemption, Vicks Vaporub, the Western literary tradition, computer-animated snow, inspirational instrumentals, Christmas…and, possibly, You: