Kara Swisher at the Wall Street Journal’s All Things D blog has this gleeful translation/evisceration of Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s op-ed in today’s Wall Street Journal, arguing that Google isn’t killing newspapers — it’s helping them. Sure, Swisher, says, helping them right into the trash bin.

A sample:

What Schmidt wrote: How Google Can Help Newspapers; Video didn’t kill the radio star, and the Internet won’t destroy news organizations. It will foster a new, digital business model.

Translation: We come in peace, always. You know, like the freakily calm lady from “V,” who is really a lizard under all that pretty and is actually secretly trying to decide between grilling and broiling all you whiny news people. Also, you can address me in the future as Emperor Palpatine.

Swisher’s disclosure that she is married to a Google exec (which she makes sure to link to at the top of her Schmidt takedown) is almost as entertaining to read.

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Alexandra Fenwick is an assistant editor at CJR.