CNN needed a little levity in its seven o’clock hour this morning. A toxic cloud in North Carolina and the nuclear threats posed by North Korea and Iran weren’t very humor-friendly, but a “FEMA Field Trip” was certainly ripe for the picking.
“And FEMA takes a trip looking for ways to avoid another Katrina-like disaster,” intoned American Morning anchor Miles O’Brien. “Why did they go to the English countryside though?”
The network forced viewers to eat their Eggos and oatmeal before providing an answer. At 7:29, anchor Soledad O’Brien took a vigorous stab at the Queen’s English, saying that “FEMA, believe it or not, is turning to old England for a better disaster plan.” The caption accompanying footage of FEMA offices onscreen? “Ye Olde FEMA.”
Good one. But CNN was only getting warmed up.
“Dudley lies in the heart of a place they call Black Country,” correspondent Paula Newton began her report. “But it was the White House that put it on the map. This is where U.S. federal authorities came looking for answers as they try to figure out how the response to Katrina went so wrong.”
“But why here? We took a road trip to Dudley, and found a quiet English town where nothing much has happened for centuries,” Newton continued. “OK, the town’s castle surrendered during the civil war and burned down in 1750.” (Dudley is bor-ing, clearly. But CNN failed to mention, as the Daily Telegraph recently reported, “the only major problem to hit Dudley in recent years”: “an earthquake in 2002 in which no one died.”)
“Even so, Dudley’s known war and rebellion in its past, but not a lot of disasters,” added the reporter, identified on screen as “Paule Newton.” (CNN was again remiss here, failing to note, as the Sunday Times did on Sept. 17, that “Dudley’s last ‘disaster’ in living memory was when Dudley Town’s football ground subsided into a limestone mine 21 years ago. Nobody was hurt but the Robins, as the team are known, had to find a new ground.”)
Purportedly seeking to explain what U.S. authorities hope to learn, Newton turned to the unnamed “man who runs the town,” who explained: “We’re looking for some examples of good practice actually in terms of evacuation and handling of bodies after Hurricane Katrina.” Huh?
“Talk about word-of-mouth,” noted Newton. “Turns out a Secret Service officer knew someone who worked for Dudley’s [private] Funeral Services, and they were part of the plan for disasters here. Apparently, Dudley has one of the best plans — forgetting every branch of government and private agency’s on the same plan.” (Hilarious! Dudley takes another shot to the ribs.)
Occupied by its own cleverness, CNN never actually explains Dudley’s plan, a major part of which calls for close cooperation between the private and public sectors in dealing with mass casualties. But the network does zero in on two “FEMA employees, engrossed at a local emergency planning seminar, poring over the plan.” “I don’t know that it’s ridiculous,” said Don Carter, while his unidentified FEMA colleague blathered on about “the whole concept of unity of command, with federal, state and local authorities working towards unity of effort and purpose to sustain life, to save life.”
“That’s what they do right here in Dudley, on paper at least,” noted Newton, before the aforementioned town overlord “pray[s] like hell” that Dudley never faces a real disaster.
“Still, FEMA flew Dudley’s chief bureaucrat to Washington to hear all about the town’s plan, and flew FEMA people to Dudley to hear more, proving it will search far and wide and in places no one would expect to help manage the next Katrina,” concluded Newton, as yet more grainy, black and white flooding footage rolled.
The final scorecard from all this good fun: a report of minuscule substance, and some gut-busting laughs at the expense of one maligned federal agency and a little-known English town. Waka waka waka.
Edward B. Colby was a writer at CJR Daily.