Everybody loves a mystery. That can be the only explanation for the media’s obsessive interest in whom John Kerry ultimately chooses as his running mate and how the selection is made. (Does anybody else care?)
Yesterday, the Chicago Tribune‘s Jeff Zeleny detailed the current vetting process for one top-tier contender, Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack.
“Gone is the era when a party’s nominee could simply sit across the table from a prospective ticket mate and ask whether any skeletons lurked in his closet,” writes Zeleny. “In a culture that feeds on political scandal, a running mate’s personal life has become such fair game that lawyers involved in previous searches say they had to ask the type of intimate questions (‘Have you ever had an affair? No? Then, let’s talk about your sexual history.’) that would never be considered in polite company. In the end, there is one guiding principle of a vice presidential selection: Do no harm to the ticket.”
According to Zeleny, Kerry operatives are currently poring over Vilsack’s years as state senator and governor, and even reviewing feature columns then-Mayor Vilsack wrote for the Mount Pleasant (Iowa) News in 1990. (The writings of Vilsack’s wife, Christie, who penned a column for a Henry County daily paper, also are being scrutinized.)
Meantime, as the media fusses and the Kerry camp probes and ponders, down in Tampa, Keith Epstein of the Tampa Tribune executes a nifty pirouette that would make Michel Barishniknov jealous. First, Eptein writes that “history suggests the selection is unlikely to make a huge difference in the proportion of voters for or against Kerry come November.” Next, Epstein utterly reverses himself to declare that “in an election expected to be close, the choice could make all the difference in the outcome.” (Emphasis added.) Go, Keith!
That undoubtedly explains why Paul M. Weyrich, head of the Free Congress Foundation, a conservative Washington think tank, has generously assembled his own list of Veep contenders for Kerry’s consideration. Topping the list is Michael Jackson.
An odd choice? Not according to the helpful Weyrich: “While Kerry’s profile has been compared with that of an undertaker … compared with Michael Jackson, Kerry would look remarkably normal. Besides, such a move would wrap up the pedophile vote. And with the number of the times Jackson has changed his stories, especially about his plastic surgery, it would absolutely diminish the issue of Kerry having been on both sides of all of the issues.”
Without belaboring the point, let’s just note that Weyrich has thoroughly thought-out reasons for the others on his list, including Martha Stewart, Donald Trump, Kerry’s wife Teresa, and Fantasia Barrino, the new American Idol.
Weyrich may be onto something here. Vetting those would-be running mates sure would be more fun than reading old columns about Mount Pleasant town clerk Florence Olomon.
–Susan Q. Stranahan
Susan Q. Stranahan wrote for CJR.