The afternoon’s big news is, of course, that New York State Governor Eliot Spitzer has been “linked” with The Emperor’s Club, a prostitution ring busted by the feds last week. Spitzer’s been fingered as the federal indictment’s unnamed “Client 9,” who was overheard on a federal wiretap arranging a Washington D.C. visit from a certain Kristen.

Far be it from us to advise the experts, but here are CJR’s humble suggestions for (and best guesses of) tomorrow’s New York Post and Daily News headlines.

Un-Kristen Acts

Love Potion #9

Nine’s Lives

Lord of the Ring

Ring of Fired

Ring-a-Ding

The Emperor has No Clothes

Spitz-o-crit

Spit-Roasted

Spitzer: “Tap That”

Spitzer: on the Hooker

Eliot’s Mess

Sexual Dealing

John D’Oh!

Guv Luv

Escorted Away

Booty Call to Resign

Or most simply:


“Spitzer Out”

Clint Hendler is the managing editor of Mother Jones, and a former deputy editor of CJR.