Presidential nominating conventions are eminently mock-able. (The Pomp! The Puffery! The retina-searing sea of red, white, and blue-sequined cowboy hats!) The conventions’ delegates and other participants—and those who trail them for the week in the Service of Democracy—are generally the first to admit this. In place of smog (there is none! Green City, and all!), it is irony that hangs heavy over Denver this week.

Which would seem to make the current convention an easy target for some Colbert-esque Satirical Skewering.

And yet. It’s also difficult, Colbert would be the first to admit, to parody something that’s so openly a parody of itself. While we applaud anyone who does so successfully…we offer, in the meantime, a cautionary tale—the Times’s attempt at Convention Satire, a faux “schedule” of the convention’s events:

“Theme of the Day (Sponsored by Facebook): Do we really want a 72-year-old dude in the White House?” (SNAP!); “Former vice president and Nobel laureate Al Gore will arrive at Invesco Field by melting glacier” (ZING!); “Presidential nominee Barack Obama will address the convention live via satellite from the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin” (POW!).

Enough said.